EDITOR’S NOTE: For so many Americans, escaping one’s native culture for a much more exotic locale – if only for a few months – is an entry that lands high on the “Top 100 Things To Do Before I Die” list. 
The lure of trading in a typical existence of strip malls, fast food, and suburban sprawl for open air markets, sidewalk cafes, and cobblestone streets inspires many a restless young soul to apply for a passport, get themselves Berlitz-ed, and attempt to decipher cryptic train schedules. But what happens after you finally start living your own version of An American In Paris” Last month in Part 1 of this article, Beth Cowan (our American in Ireland) gave us six ways to avoid sneers, ridicule, and public flogging, and now she completes the even dozen for your entertainment and safety.
Seven
“So, where are you from”” You will very quickly grow tired of this question. And the answer is never “The United States”. There follows an annoyed silence, followed by a sarcastic “I know that. Which state””
Coming from Wyoming, they rarely know where it is, and we usually end up talking about New York. You cannot get out of answering the question (it’s considered rude), and you cannot get out of listening to the details of every trip they’ve taken to the US. Speaking of which, as the Representative of the United States (you were elected to the post when they granted you the visa) you will endure no end of conversations whereby you (yes, You!) are personally responsible for American foreign policy. Study up before you arrive and know that the rules of combat preclude you from taking a swipe at their government.
People are shocked when you tell them you live here. Be prepared to say flattering things about their country when they ask why in God’s name you’d move here. If you do it right, they’ll buy you a beer. (Note: This may apply only in Ireland.)
Eight
The office is still the office. All the same rules still apply and you are still in a pecking order. You still have to get along with the others, you cannot terrorize the office – unless that really is your persona, in which case I cannot help you – and you must still listen to your co-workers.
Being from the US does not guarantee that you know best. To borrow a line from David Sedaris, no country has the motto “We’re number two!” You’ve moved to another country for the experience; pay attention to what others are telling you. Sharing is good, and don’t counter every instruction with “That’s not how we do it at home.”
Nine
Even if it’s against type, asking Stupid Questions is a good habit to get into. There are many, many things you no longer know how to do. Such as make a doctor’s appointment and file for insurance, order a pizza delivery, or find out where to make a spare key for your house. If you assume you know nothing, it’s easier going in the long run.
I point at things a lot in the office and ask for the name. They usually laugh at me but I now know it is “skirting” and not “baseboards”. I spent 10 minutes at the bank quizzing the girl to make sure I got a debit card and not a credit card because they don’t use those terms. Important difference there.
Names of products – like Advil – no longer apply. Next time you’re in the grocery or the drug store walk down a random aisle and pretend you can’t read. Pick up a can of soup and see if you can tell what it is and how to fix it by the label. Now go pick out a cold medicine without knowing the names of them. It’s very important to ask lots of “stupid” questions.
Ten
Particularly when living in a country with a foreign language, you will start to seek out anyone who speaks English just for the joy of being able to speak quickly and use slang without having to explain it. Try not to frighten them.
Remember that all stereotypes are based, in some small part, on truth. Which means that you will be stereotyped, not just the locals. We are known to be loud, fat, aggressive people who flaunt money and think we can buy the world. Part of this is true. Most of it is false (for most people anyway).
But remember this when you meet other Americans. We are a loud people, and when two or more gather in a foreign country, we complain about the locals. And they can hear it. English isn’t a secret language, especially when shouted.
Eleven
Transportation is a beast you need to actively conquer, and quickly. There are systems to mass transportation, different in every city, and once you know the system, the cost goes way down. It took me quite awhile to figure out I could buy a weekly bus pass and it would save me money. The buses cannot give change; you have to take your refund slip down to the main office for the cash back. I didn’t think this was a big deal, it’s only 10 cents… and then I added it up. When I go down there next, I will have enough of a refund to buy lunch. Or, ironically, another weekly bus pass, which is what I will do. The bus pass is also good for the bus to and from the airport. One round trip costs more than the bus pass. It’s important to figure out the system in the beginning – before all you can afford to do is walk.
Twelve
When walking in the pedestrian shopping zones, you will be accosted by young people asking for donations to various charities. This is normal and nothing to be frightened of. The legitimate charities are easily identifiable; they only send kids out in small groups, they wear matching jackets or shirts, they always have literature. They also take no for an answer very gracefully. Many of them are college students raising money for the summer. Occasionally you’ll meet high school students who are in their gap year before University and are traveling the world this way. It’s not a bad way to travel either. The company sends you someplace; you solicit donations for a few months and then move onto another place, all the while getting paid to be there. I’ve met some really interesting people doing this.
Do Unto Others
It’s not quite the Dirty Dozen, but it’s a pretty good start. The Golden Rule of living abroad seems to be this: You are a guest in their country. Act accordingly. You may pay the taxes, but until you’ve been there for years, you’re just visiting. Bon voyage, mon ami!
