contributed by Amy Johnson [style dominatrix / idea machine / sidekick]
Welcome to your fabulous new job! Here’s the 36 square feet to call your own in what we fondly call “The Cube Farm”. Feel free to make it yours. Well, not really. There are certain basic rules of etiquette to follow. For those of you who are new to Cubeland, here are my top five no-no’s. I know of what I speak because I’ve been on the receiving end of all of these issues. Hopefully I’ve never been on the giving end, but, honestly, I probably have been at least once. For you who have been Cube Dwellers for some time, here are some reminders in case you’ve gotten a little too comfortable in your micro-kingdom.
There once was a girl from Nantucket, Who insisted on holding speakerphone conference calls from her CUBICLE! She disturbed all those around. How could she not be aware of the sound? It made everyone in Cubeville want to strangle her.
Don’t be that girl. Or boy. Or transgender illusionist. It’s just not nice. If you need to hold a conference call, schedule time in a conference room. Or if it’s just you on your end of the call and multiple people on the other end, do you really need to be on speakerphone too? Oh, no, my squeaky little monkeys, you do not. There’s no reason to disturb everyone in a 9-cube radius while you show off how important you think you are by shouting into an inanimate object. I’ve been a witness to this and – believe me – it’s not pretty and only causes strife in the fiefdom.
You wouldn’t believe what kind of horrible thoughts coworkers can wish on these phone-shouters. I mean, I can only imagine what kind of horrible thoughts coworkers might wish on these phone-shouters. I wouldn’t actually know of any potentially devastating illnesses or freak accidents that people might dream up when thoroughly annoyed that their concentration is broken by someone else’s “status check” with a project manager in Schenectady!
Bad Smells Travel Fast
Fish. Do me a favor - just don’t eat it at the office. If you’re a vegetarian, I must ask you to please seek other sources of protein on those days that you brown bag it. You see, it’s like this – that fabulous Chilean Sea Bass you had for dinner last night would be lovely reheated for lunch today. Unfortunately you don’t have the luxury of a private kitchen complete with vent-a-hoods to help you bring that baby back to life. Instead you’ve got the communal microwave and that long walk back through the office to your cube with your aromatic dejeuner.
Do us all a favor, don’t spread the Chilean Sea Bass love (or Tuna or Mahi-Mahi or Salmon, eww especially not Salmon – trust me). And if you don’t think reheated fish can really smell that bad – just imagine burned microwave popcorn times 10. And add a stinky factor of at least 5.
Privacy Shmivacy
Unfortunately, your little 6 x 6 or 8 x 8 or tiny x tiny bit of real estate does not feature a cone of silence over the top of it. Which means (depending on the noise level of your office and whether or not noise-masking equipment is installed on your floor) that everyone around you knows all of your business (whether they want to or not) when you make personal calls from your cube.
For your own sake, don’t schedule personal appointments from your cubicle when you can be overheard by your coworkers. Which is pretty much all the time. Everyone has a cell phone these days (and if you don’t, believe it or not, there are still payphones somewhere that you can find), so step outside for a “smoke break” or wait until you head out for lunch to call your therapist / OB-GYN / pharmacist to schedule your next intervention / penicillin shot / tranquilizer refill. I really don’t want to know that much about you.
Ah, yes, nothing gets my creative juices flowing like listening to some Adam & The Ants New Wave tunes from the 80s. Which ones, you ask? Oh, here, I’ll turn up "Dog Eat Dog" so you can hear the lyrics clearly instead of just that constant low annoying whine I’ve been subjecting you to all morning. What’s that you say? You need silence to focus on your project that’s just as important as mine? Nonsense! You just think you do! Everyone works better with tunes.
I’m sorry, what’s that? You’re going to do what to my iPod as soon as I step away for lunch leaving it on full blast like I always do? Well, that hardly seems neighborly. Huh? We’re not neighbors? Or even friends? Just because we sit next to each other doesn’t mean you automatically like me and everything about me? Well how silly of me to be so rude. Here’s a thought – I’ll use these handy-dandy earphones that accompanied my MP3 player purchase so that I can rev myself up while you can work in reasonable amounts of workplace noise levels. Problem solved!
Yes, technically your cubicle is sort of “your space” and you will probably spend as much time (or more) there than you do at home, but try to remember that you’re a professional working in a professional environment. You need to walk that fine line of expressing yourself and making yourself somewhat comfortable without offending others. This really isn’t the place for your autographed Marilyn Manson tour poster / shot glass collection / NRA Membership card to be displayed.
And please don’t find me rude if I don’t care what sorority / fraternity you were in or need to see the awards you won as a student. I’m very happy for you for being a go-getter. Obviously you impressed the boss with your résumé. Now impress your coworkers by being good at what you’re being paid to do now. Sound harsh? Sorry, kid. But better to read it here than hear it from your new not-best-friend sitting on the other side of the 2-inch thick, 5-foot high “wall”.
To bridge the gap between the student / educational community and the professional / manufacturer community of the interior design world, and not to die of boredom while we do it.
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There are certain basic rules of etiquette to follow. For those of you who are new to Cubeland, here are my top five no-no’s. I know of what I speak because I’ve been on the receiving end of all of these issues. Hopefully I’ve never been on the giving end, but, honestly, I probably have been at least once. For you who have been Cube Dwellers for some time, here are some reminders in case you’ve gotten a little too comfortable in your micro-kingdom.
