I need some career advice, now! My boss is now trying to get me to stay. I am having problems with him specifically… he’s very cold, not personal, only talks to you when he needs something, very slow to praise, etc. It has made me become uninspired, bitter and mostly, unmotivated. I have accepted (signed the letter even) the offer of another much smaller firm (5 people), thinking I could be more involved and wear different hats as the company grows and gets better projects. Well, now after receiving my resignation letter, my boss is trying to get me to stay. Tomorrow, I am meeting with him and the head of design to discuss ways my needs can be appeased. I am just afraid that he’ll make all of these promises, I’ll accept and then nothing will change. See, I have met with him a couple of times to discuss these matters and nothing has happened. Others in our interiors group also went to speak to HR and the head of our office and still nothing, so I am very jaded. I am just starting to have second thoughts now and wondering if I am making the right decision to leave. Any advice”

(submitted by Anonymous)

Wow, that is a dilemma. I was in a very similar situation as you when I first started out. I started working for a hospitality firm whose matriarch had a reputation as a rather cold and unfriendly person. It was all true. The work atmosphere was horrible and sometimes hostile (she and her husband fought a lot). No one really talked to each other, the office was very quiet, no one went to lunch together, and the boss only spoke to me when she needed something.

After a month of that I was ready to go nuts, so when I got a job offer from a more corporate oriented firm (that was equally small: 5 or 6 people), I jumped on it. That was the firm where I stayed for 7-1/2 years. They were as opposite from the first boss as could be. Sometimes too opposite in that you knew more about people than you sometimes wanted to!

I did learn a lot at that firm because I had to do everything. We had frantic times and slow times, just like any firm, but there was much more loyalty there overall because it was a more tight-knit group.

It sounds like you (and the rest of the group) have tried very hard to express your opinions to your firm and to your boss, but still nothing has changed. If you had not tried that route before, then I would be a little concerned that you had just decided to leave.

Obviously, though, this is something you’ve really thought out. If you truly are unmotivated and find it even difficult to get up and go into work in the mornings, then it probably is time to change. If your boss has been this way all along, the chances of him suddenly changing overnight are slim to none. It sounds like it’s just not his nature, and he probably shouldn’t even be managing people.

My advice would be this:

Go ahead and meet with them tomorrow as planned. Be very candid – in a professional and courteous way, of course – about your feelings and concerns (lack of motivation, continued attempts at change, etc.). Explain that you’ve already signed a deal with the other firm. If they keep insisting that they want you to stay, then definitely give them a list of items that absolutely have to happen within a particular timeline. (Type them up and make them sign it, if you even get that far.)

And, if money is an issue (and when is it really not”), ask for more money as well. However, try not to be lured by more cash because you run the risk of being equally as miserable, but just making more money. Surprisingly enough, when that happens, it’s not as satisfying as you might think it would be.

I know it’s a confusing time, and it’s hard to leave a familiar situation. But if you 1) think he can’t change, and 2) think this new firm might give you some good experience that you wouldn’t get in your current position, it might be worth the risk (a.k.a. new adventure).