We’ve heard it dozens of times: “You only have one chance to make a first impression.” Why is this phrase so common” Because it’s true. It’s true when you’re mingling at a cocktail party, it’s true when you’re meeting your girlfriend’s family, and it’s especially true when you encounter a potential employer or client. Yes, it’s a shallow pool, but we’ve all got to swim in it, so let’s learn why people judge so quickly and how you can make it work for you.

So why is everyone so seemingly superficial” It turns out that it’s wired into our systems. It’s the way humans deal with information overload, and we just can’t help it.

When someone first meets you, they only see a wee little bit of who you really are. They have no history of your innovative ideas on workplace efficiency, your philanthropic pursuits in the arts, your masterful culinary techniques, or your quirky since of humor.

Think about it. Your biggest fans (hopefully) are your parents, your friends, and / or your significant other. They believe in you because they know your story: your accomplishments, your struggles, your skills and your flaws. They know the whole you, but your interviewer doesn’t. All the positive traits developed over a lifetime you must convey in a fraction of an hour. In these first brief moments, you are only a blurry snapshot, and this image is all that they know of you.

The extreme importance of a first encounter lies in our psychological make up. This self-portrait you provide at the beginning will shape all future opinions of you. From intelligence to ethics to personality to talent, people will automatically assume what they glean in the beginning is an accurate account, even if you soon prove them wrong.

Let’s face it – human nature compels our initial assessments of people outweigh the hard facts we gather later. Not only do we practice this on others, but we also do it to ourselves. Think of the person who grows up consistently overweight but finally slims down in adulthood. Frequently, it’s hard for him to see himself in the mirror accurately because the image he has impressed into his own psyche is that of a chubby child. It can take years for one’s false self-image to catch up with reality and set his self-confidence free.

But don’t despair. You don’t have to be afraid of this psychological phenomenon if only you’ll embrace the inevitable and use it to your advantage.

A Real Life Scenario

A man arrives at a firm for an interview. While he waits in the reception area, his cell phone rings. When he takes the call, the volume of his voice starts to rise. His tone becomes more heated and his words more harsh. The receptionist and one other employee – within earshot but out of sight range – notice this disturbing interchange. How can they not”

Even though what the interviewee seems to be upset about – a mechanic replacing a part on his wife’s car without prior authorization – actually sounds justified and obviously has nothing to do with the interview, the first impression is the same: This guy’s a hothead and difficult to work with.

His agitation gives birth to a bad vibe. His annoyance makes the inadvertent eavesdroppers uncomfortable. Their feelings of uneasiness infect their brains like a fast-moving virus and manifest themselves in later statements such as…

• “I’m just not sure he’s the right person for this position.”
• “He doesn’t seem like he’d be a team player.”
• “That guy was just rude. I don’t want to work with him.”

Say what””” Neither the receptionist nor the random employee even had a conversation with this poor guy. In fact, one of the employees never even laid eyes on him. So why don’t they like him when they don’t even know him” This man could be the warmest, friendliest, most responsible person in the tri-county area, but because he caused others to feel uncomfortable and uneasy in their first encounter with him, they associate him primarily with those feelings.

Hothead: that’s who they think he is and will be for the rest of his life. Fair” No. Human” Most certainly. It’s the seed of doubt. It’s the bad taste left in the mouth. It’s the spilt milk. Enough with the clichés, already – you get it.

You may be thinking, “Well, who cares if those two employees overheard him losing his cool” They aren’t the ones doing the hiring anyway.” Very true, but the bad vibe virus spreads quickly up the chain of command. It is guaranteed that one of them will make a negative comment in front of a manager, who will then say something at lunch to her boss, which will then plant another seed of doubt in the ultimate decision-maker’s head. You get enough seeds planted, and you’ve got a garden of uneasiness and rejection blooming out of control. No bueno.

Good News

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. OK, maybe Newton’s Third Law of Motion applies really to mass, but it’s also relatable here because the opposite is true as well.

If you first present yourself as confident, knowledgeable, enjoyable and calm, that’s the way people think you are all the time. So, conversely, you can be the most obnoxious, annoying, self-absorbed dufus in the tri-county area, but if you initially come across as God’s gift to the interviewer, you’re good to go. (Let’s just hope that’s not the case or we’ll have to hunt you down and slap some sense into you.)

To sum up, this is what you’re dealing with:

When you meet new people, they size you up quickly in several ways:

• visual cues such as appearance, body language and unusual tics
• personality cues such as demeanor, communication style and attitude
• ability cues such as skills, talent, education and vocabulary

After gathering this information in a matter of minutes, they each come to certain conclusions about you (as an employee, a boyfriend, a networking contact, etc. depending on the situation), and they make assumptions about how you will perform in the future.

Since everyone believes that they are always a perfect judge of character, they will hold on to this initial impression as long as they can – frequently neglecting evidence to prove your behavior inconsistent with their first impression – just so they can validate their initial assumptions. Denial can be a powerful thing, and many of us hang on to it like a baby blanket.

MORE TO COME
Now that we’ve looked into WHY first impressions are so critical, next time we’ll investigate specifically HOW you can work with “the system” and knock off some of those socks.